This is Part Two of a two-part series. Find Part One here.
A Deeper Union
Although – as noted in the introduction to this essay – the two wings of psychological growth and contemplative practice are often seen in a kind of tension, actually they support each other profoundly.
A single great wing, really.
For starters, they intertwine in multiple ways that make them “non-dual.” For example, the repeated act of simply being with something – the smell of an orange, the sensation of the breath in the belly, a memory of summer camp – cannot help but cultivate many wholesome qualities in the mind and heart, such as mindfulness, concentration, detachment, and wisdom. And just being with difficult experiences – really experiencing your experience – is one of the premier methods in psychology for helping them to release from the mind and body. Similarly, working with anything skillfully requires mindful awareness as well as close attention to the details of inner experience and the outer world.
We should be with what it’s like to work with something; then the act of working with itself becomes the object of spacious attentiveness. For example, in meditation, you are often aware of the skillful (and not so skillful) efforts in your mind to remain aware. On the other hand, we should cultivate and thus work with the capacity to sustain choiceless awareness – a faculty of the mind (and certainly the brain) like any other.
Both wings share qualities of investigation – though in working with, this is particularly directed and active – which is one of the seven factors of enlightenment, and some might say the most fundamental one. In the same way, both wings are the
result of positive intentions. In other words, they arise from common causes; to risk another metaphor, they are the mighty limbs of a tree growing out of a single trunk.
A Natural Rhythm of Mutual Support
Further, the wings support each other in a natural rhythm. Being with reveals things to work with: in meditation, as in therapy (and life), we step in to experience our experience fully, and then we step back to reflect upon it. And working with identifies new things to become more aware of, and new fruits of practice to appreciate and savor. In turn, this gives us more to reflect upon, and the cycle continues. These rhythms can ebb and flow over the course of just seconds – or months and years.
Is One Wing Primary?
Nonetheless, notwithstanding these synergies and integrations, we may well ask, is one of the two wings more primary than the other? I believe that the answer is yes, and that being with is more fundamental, for several reasons.
First, our fundamental true nature is awake, interested, benign, and happy. You can see that in ordinary life when you are rested, fed, physically comfortable, and not upset: unless there is an underlying issue with mood or anxiety, you probably feel at least mildly happy at those times, and you wish the world well. That’s the innate resting state of the mind. Neurologically, the resting state of the healthy brain manifests a deep coherence in its brain wave patterns.
From a Buddhist perspective, there is a strong line of teaching – particularly prominent in the Zen and Tibetan lineages, but well represented in the Theravadan tradition as well – that the essence of the mind and heart is “stainless purity,” “Bodhicitta,” and similar terms. Buddha nature is our true nature; therefore, your true nature is Buddha nature.
While the teachings of the Buddha are generally silent or ambiguous about the existence or non-existence of a Divine Transcendental Something – call that God – and are thus agnostic and compatible with the great religions of the world, the sages and saints in those theistic traditions speak of an underlying Divinity infusing everything (including you and me), or of an eternal soul, or of a spark of the Divine illuminating our essence.
Bottom-line, in the ultimate sense, there is nothing to cultivate at all. You are always already radiant consciousness, loving, happy, and wise. Pretty good news!
Second, there is a fundamental categorization of all human activity in terms of Be, Do, and Have. (A related categorization is found in the three forms of the Divine in Hinduism: Create, Preserve, Complete [Destroy].) Of these, Be comes first because it is primary and encompasses the other two; for example, you can Be Do-ing without distorting or falsifying Doing, but you cannot Do Be-ing without distorting and falsifying Being . . .. In this framework, being with is obviously “Being,” while working with is definitely a kind of “Doing.”
Third, Western culture – and particularly American – really is kind of berserk in its tilt toward endless striving and its accompanying epidemic of feeling like one is . . . chronically . . . falling . . . . . . . short. Most of us are, frankly, tilted way too much toward various flavors of working with. I know I am. Making being with the first thing we think about, rather than (typically) the last one, is a wholesome correction to the imbalance most of us suffer from.
Fourth, truth be told, sometimes you really just can’t work with something: it’s too overwhelming, or you’re too tired or too flooded or too distracted or too undone. Sometimes you simply have to bear it, and then what do you do? As we have all
discovered, again and again, you can always be with it mindfully, and when you do, that simple shift changes everything. Mindful awareness is indeed the ultimate safety net when all else fails.
Fifth, it is mindful awareness – being with, in other words – that really reveals the contents of mind and world, their endless flux and interdependent co-arising, and how the least whiff of clinging in any of its myriad forms leads inevitably – and often instantly – to suffering for oneself (and usually for others). For example, Christina Feldman quotes one of her own teachers in summarizing the Buddhist path as:
- Know the mind.
- Shape the mind.
- Free the mind.
Not a bad summary, at all! To know the mind is largely a matter of “being with,” and notice that it comes first, before shaping the mind (which is about “working with”). Knowing the mind enables us to shape it, and we can’t shape it until we know it somewhat.
Then, at the end of the road – and sometimes in the beginning and the middle, too – comes the great matter of freeing the mind. That’s when we move beyond any willful knowing and shaping – beyond any deliberate being with and working with – to a kind of effortless abandonment of all efforts, all selfing, and all grasping.
In its milder, less complete forms, that freeing of the mind comes in those moments of letting go: the clenched fist of mind opens and the light of pure selfless awareness shines through like grains of sands streaming between your fingers.
And in its complete form, the utter freeing of the mind is Nibbana, the immersion in what the Buddha called the Unconditioned. He insisted that was a real possibility for everyone, whether monastic or householder, female or male, Brahmin or untouchable, you or me.
Personal Practice
All this being said, it is worth inquiring into your own strengths and weaknesses with the two wings. Just like most of us have one arm stronger than the other one, most of us have a stronger wing. Consider these questions:
- Are you more inclined to be with or work with as your initial orientation to something difficult?
- Are you more adept at being with or working with?
- What do the people around you, at home and work, reward you for, or count on you for: to be with things or to work with them?
Based on their answers, you might like to focus on developing one wing in particular. It is both simple and easy – and complex and a lifelong undertaking – to do that.
The simple part is to bring awareness to the wing you want to strengthen and use it more in daily life. Just that will develop it, since “neurons that fire together, wire together.”
The more complex part is to place yourself in situations or with people that will naturally “flap” the wing you’re developing. For example, certain Buddhist practices emphasize being with, such as “just sitting” in Zen. Others delve deeply into working with, such as some of the visualization practices in Tibetan Buddhism.
Conclusion
Like anything, if you bring awareness to it and even a little attention, you will get better and better at it. And remember both: to be with and work with . . . the process of being with and working with!
This article is Part Two of a series: Part One – The Two Wings of Psychological Growth and Contemplative Practice introduces this discussion by describing each wing, explaining how to use each, as well as highlighting the strengths and pitfalls of each.
© Rick Hanson, PhD
