Physically Letting Go
Like any of the inner exercises we do, it’s all right to experience whatever you get. And if it ever gets uncomfortable, pull out of it and shift your attention elsewhere. It’s also OK to ignore my suggestions, and go with what feels most valuable for you.
OK, relax, eyes open or closed.
Focus on breathing, especially the sensations of breathing from inside your body . . . Like the cool air going down your throat and warm air coming out . . . Like the sense of your lungs expanding and contracting, especially the inside of your chest.
As the breathing is ongoing, let the other contents of awareness just flowing on through – without grasping after them or aversion toward them.
Now, particularly notice exhaling. Use the exhaling to sense or imagine things leaving you: bodily tension; unpleasant feelings such as underlying anxiety or irritation; unwanted busy thinking or planning. If you like, use the exhaling to let go of some or all of the things on your list.
Now, see if you can get a sense of your whole body as you breathe – the whole body breathing. That sense of the whole body could draw you into a spacious feeling that is very peaceful. It may come and go, which is fine. Just invite it back if it does leave.
Now, see if you can relax any sense of top-down control of your breathing. Allow your body to control entirely your breath, just like it would if you were sleeping. Your breath may naturally slow to the minimum necessary.
You are letting go to the body. Exploring and noticing the complete abandonment of any holding onto the breath. Completely letting go of control. Being the body breathing.
In this place of letting go, notice what is continuing. Breathing continues. Awareness. The universe keeps on going. Your heart keeps beating. You keep coming back even when you keep letting go.
You can let go of the fear of letting go . . .
Now, as you continue to let go as much as possible any control over the breath, letting it do what needs to do on its own, you might like to add a sense of accepting everything as it is . . . letting go of any effort or struggle with all that is . . . simply a body breathing . . . aware . . . accepting.
All right, when you like, bring the exercise to a close. Ask yourself: What did you experience during the exercise? What did you learn or realize? A key point to remember: No-control breathing gives the sense of a deep letting go.
By the way, you might be interested to know that when you were paying attention to the internal sensations of your body, as well as when you were getting an awareness of your body as a whole, you were lighting up your insula. This part of the brain is near the anterior cingulate cortex we discussed earlier, and like the ACC, there are two of them inside your head, finger shaped, and near the center, so they are closely connected with the sensory, emotional, and executive regions of the brain.
The insula is especially involved in what is called interoception, which means the sensing of the internal states of the body. Interestingly, since the sensing of our internal states is a key element of empathy, the more aware that a person is of her internal states, the more empathic she tends to be. The insula lights up when we are being empathic.
So if you want to be more empathic – or if your friends and family and kids and coworkers and spouse would like you to be more empathic – a good way to do that is by paying more attention to your internal states. In fact, the more you do that – such as through yoga or meditation – the thicker the neuronal connections get within your insula. In effect, among their other benefits, activities such as these help people become more empathic.
Being Your Best Self
Before we move on, I’d like to mention that there are many, many ways to let go of problematic thoughts, feelings, body sensations, and desires. As you have probably noticed, letting go of one thing means embracing another, even if it is only the space that is left when the other thing moves on.
In fact, having that positive thing to join with often helps give us the comfort, the courage, to separate from that which we let go. For example, bringing to mind the feelings you get from people who like or love you can make it easier to say goodbye to a person who is not good for you. Or, to use a traditional example, in Hindu culture, individuals who are celibate – they have let go of that part of their lives – are said to be “Brahmacharya” which means joined with Brahma, a manifestation of God. In a sense, it is out of our joining with the wholesome that the abandonment of the unwholesome naturally occurs.
Exercise:
So, let’s explore this in concrete terms. Get out your pad and pen, and this time, take a moment to reflect on one or more important things that you want to let go of – and for each one, try to identify one or more things that you could join with instead.
To make explicit some of the major themes that may have come up for some people, you could let go of:
- Painful feelings.
- Resisting facts you don’t like but which can’t be changed. Here, it can be especially helpful to think in terms of healthy surrender, of healthy giving up, as in: I give up about the planet warming, even though I will do what I can about that . . . I give up about the 49’ers losing record . . . I surrender to being 54 . . . I surrender to having been put up for adoption as a child . . .
- Desires that lead to suffering.
- Approaches, styles, plans, strategies, etc. that just aren’t working.
- Holding onto things staying the same that are inevitably changing.
So take a couple of minutes for writing down both the important things you want to let go of and their wholesome alternatives.
Now, inside your own mind, go back over each thing you are letting go of and take a moment to feel yourself joining with its wholesome alternative. Get a sense of each of those wholesome alternatives being alive in your life. A sense of them as already existing fully for you . . . Noticing what that would be like . . . How that would be good for you and others . . .?
Now, inside your own mind, for each thing you are letting go of, take a few seconds or longer to ask yourself: “Is this me?” Am I this anger? Am I this craving for a cigarette? Am I this longing for love? Am I this worry about our son? Is that worry
me?
A major way we hold on and do not let go is through identifying with things. My viewpoint. My job. My car’s position in the highway. My feeling, my thought, my desire . . . Instead, inquire: Is this thought me? Is that goal me? Am I our son’s Bar Mitzvah speech?
There is no right answer here. Just explore and see what comes up for you, and keep turning toward and engaging that which helps you let go.
It might help you to call up again the bodily feeling that you experienced earlier today, of breathing with no effort, breathing as the whole body, as you consider: Am I that? Is that me?
In the space created by all that you have let go of, including making things “me” and “mine,” take a moment to open up to whatever profoundly wholesome influences you like. Such as love . . . or integrity . . . or God . . . or Buddha nature . . . or pure awareness . . . Give yourself over to the wholesome, be devoted to the wholesome, and let go of everything else.
Rest here for a few minutes, returning to the wholesome, abiding in the wholesome and letting go of everything else . . ..
How was that for you? What did you experience? What can you take away? What can you learn?
Some key points related to this exercise:
- Turning to the wholesome rather than struggling with the unwholesome. Just don’t pick it up any more. Focus on planting flowers rather than pulling weeds.
- The deep, natural bodily sense of being that clings to nothing . . . our resting state, our true nature.
- Not claiming the unwholesome as “I” or “mine.”
Conclusion
This month, we suggest you keep focusing on letting go. If you like, you could use a regular event, like the ringing of the phone, or walking through a door, or whenever you notice that the hour has changed, to let go deeply by exhaling fully, for example.
In closing, as a great teacher, Ajahn Chah said: “If you let go a little, you will have a little happiness. If you let go a lot, you will have a lot of happiness. And if you let go completely, you will be completely happy.”
This article is Part Two of a series. Part One – Introduction to Letting Go
© Rick Hanson, PhD
